Laura Jansen Discusses Love, Loss and Living Life to its Fullest

“The end of a break up can sometimes resemble a crime scene….”

If when listening to Laura Jansen you get the awkward feeling she’s been writing songs based on your diary entries, you’re not alone. Jansen is a girl’s girl. She’s been in blissful love, survived wretched heartbreak and emerged with not only a self-induced haircut, but also newfound inspiration and a platinum album, Bells, in her native Holland. Currently residing in Los Angeles, Jansen will release this piano-based collection of alt-pop songs in the U.S. on March 22 via Decca Records. It features her chart-topping original, “Single Girls” and stunning cover of Kings of Leon’s “Use Somebody,” which has spent more than a year on the Top 10 Dutch singles chart. Heed the advice Jansen shares with Planet Verge and you just might stop complaining about being heartbroken in your next diary entry.

PV: Your album is debuting in America next month. Do you care about the critics and charts?

Laura Jansen: I’m just thrilled to have my record coming out in America. It’s a record that’s really close to my heart and I’m proud of it. Of course I care what people think about it but I try to avoid official reviews. I’ve learned there can be a real difference in what a critic thinks and what your audience feels. They’re whom I care about the most. I’m not the kind of songwriter that can change my style based on a trend or a criticism so what you hear, is what you get. I’m lucky to have some pretty amazing and loyal listeners who grow in the process with me. I spend a lot of time online with Twitter and Facebook, etc and get all the feedback I need from those folks.

PV: Politics and social issues are a passion of yours- what causes do you support?

Laura Jansen: Politics has been a huge part of my life and it was something I studied before doing music full time. I’m a news junkie, to the point that it’s a little silly. I read four different papers every day and fall asleep to BBC world radio no matter where I am in the world. There is so much going on that I want to be aware of and I really do believe it’s almost a mandatory thing. Our world isn’t all about us, and just by wearing witness and educating yourself, you can make a huge difference. I get overwhelmed by the things I want to put my time and energy in but honestly, I think we all need to start in our own backyard. Los Angeles has a really glittering side to it but also a very sad side. Skid Row in downtown has one of the largest homeless populations in the world. We’re also really struggling to become more environmentally aware in that city. Recycling isn’t a standard thing and everyone knows about the smog problem. Those are the issues I care about at home.

PV: The videos for “Single Girls” and “Bells” were directed by Brooke Hanson- Do you feel females in the music business need to “band together?”

Laura Jansen: I’m not sure if it’s just females that need to band together. I think friends need to band together. When I was just starting out as a waiter/singer/secretary/writer I was surrounded by all the same kinds of people, friends with incredible talents who were all struggling as hard as I was to make ends meet. It was a natural process for me to work with the people I admire and I happen to have an extremely talented group of buddies. Brooke Hanson is such an incredible director and we worked together on two videos. No budget, tons of favors and I don’t think she slept for months getting it all done. Heidi Ross is another incredible friend who I’ve worked with for years. She is one of the best photographers I know and there’s no one I’d rather climb that ladder with than her. Every person on my record is a friend and I firmly believe in growing like that together.

PV: You’re about to embark on a tour with Joshua Radin, who you’ve performed with as a member of his backing band. What fashion essentials are you packing?

Laura Jansen: Touring is tough. I’m not the jeans and boots kind of girl so I make it extra hard on myself. The rule is two mid-size suitcases max. If it doesn’t fit, I can’t bring it. Tour buses are also a bit more challenging as a girl and I spent a lot of time asking my ladies for advice.

Makeup remover wipes: crucial. Sometimes you leave right after a show and wake up in a new city with a full schedule. These are key to freshening up.

Compression bags: I can shove a ton of shirts into one of these, take out all the air, and suddenly those two suitcases hold twice as much.

Every clothing item I pack matches something else and can be worn a few different ways. I bring two types of heels, (always black) a leather jacket (goes with everything), tights in every color (makes black dresses more fun) and a good pair of sweat pants to walk into truck stops in during the night (dresses will not work).

I wear dresses on stage so I bring as many as I can fit and switch things up with jewelry or tights. There is never enough closet space and I get teased a lot by Joshua and Cary (Brothers) when they arrive with their one suitcase.

PV: Is the dating scene in Holland basically the same as in America, where most relationships begin on text message and guys forget you can actually pick up the phone and dial, too?

Laura Jansen: Good question! I think the scene over there is probably very similar to the scene here. Everyone texts, Facebooks, etc. I don’t know a lot of people who date like we do here in the states. I have friends here who go on multiple dates with multiple people within the span of a few weeks while in Holland, you don’t really call it dating. You hang out, with friends until you decide you want to either move it to the next level or stay friends. There’s no real single’s scene like you have here with singles nights or speed dating or any of that.

PV: Holidays tend to be the worst for single people, and you ended a relationship on Christmas Day. How do you suggest others in similar situations survive? Grin and bare it? Stay in bed all day?

Laura Jansen: Ha! Well yes, I did have a very significant relationship end on Christmas Day. I think having that happen on such a sentimental holiday really intensified the drama for me. I mean, what is more depressing than unopened gifts under a tree with your ex’s name on them? And the music! All the holiday songs turned dark and sad. I think holidays can be a really challenging time anyway. They remind us of times gone by and that can tough. I certainly didn’t grin and bare it when the break up happened. I went into full-blown heartbreak mode: crying, staying in bed all day, sad music, and staring out into the abyss. It took a few days of that before I decided to work on it. Having some strong girlfriends swoop in and handle me “boot camp” style was key. They made sure I brushed my hair, put on something decent and took me out into the daylight. Being reminded that the world hasn’t actually ended, that life continues to move around you, and that you aren’t the only person in the world who has gone through all that helps a lot!

PV: The concept of your “Single Girls” video with the missing person outlined next to you is adorable. What did you learn from your biggest heartbreak?

Laura Jansen: I think the end of a break up can sometimes resemble a crime scene. The idea of an outline on the floor came from that. The idea grew from there into looking at the space someone leaves behind when they’re gone. They may be gone out of your life physically, but their presence stays for quite a while. I wanted to tackle that idea and how at the end of the video, I fold up that outline and put it away. That’s how I felt after a few months. I was ready to put away the most painful part of the breakup and come to terms with it. Ultimately heartbreak was the best thing for me. It put everything into sharp focus and I got back in touch with myself. I learned a lot about things I’m not good at, things I want to keep working on. It forced me to focus on myself and to work really hard on the things that made me happy. I also learned that what you feel during a break up might not be the best thing for you. I wasn’t really supposed to end up with that guy, but I only learned that long after we had split. I was supposed to go through all that to learn more, to grow. Life is a pretty unpredictable thing and I always believe we are exactly where we are supposed to be, even when it sucks. I’m even grateful for it these days.

PV: The best way to get over the loss of a dog is often to get another one. Would you recommend this strategy for relationships as well?

Laura Jansen: First of all, let me just say, far be it for me to make any relationship suggestions at all! I think it’s the hardest work we do as human beings and I’m no expert. I’m fascinated by relationships and how they mirror our best and worst qualities. I’ve had some bad ones and some great ones and I’ve been on both ends of the blame game.

Rebounding from a breakup by starting a new relationship is really the easiest way to completely ignore yourself. I’ve done it a few times and although it definitely softens the blow, it usually doesn’t last. For me, it felt like a way to distract myself from what I really needed to be focusing on. I can’t tell you how many guys have written me about a male version of “Single Girls.” I think it would include the “rebound.” We’ve all done it but really, nothing was better for me than just focusing on myself, figuring out my day and the things that made me happy while being alone. It was tough but it felt great. Figuring out the stuff that really was important to me and filling in my time with the things I love ultimately got me to where I want to be so that the right person would come into my life. I really do believe that.

PV: You’ve stated, “Little girls are raised on fairy tales. We are expected to be married and have babies” and spent time performing as a wedding singer. Do you feel pressured to find Mr. Right?

Laura Jansen: The times are certainly different for our generation of women compared to a few generations ago. It’s funny how the fairy tales haven’t changed with the times though. From a very early age we read about Prince Charming and damsels in distress and how being rescued by a man is the happy every after we need. I think if that’s what you want and it makes you happy then you should do it! If it’s not what makes you happy, then don’t! I certainly never felt that pressure from my family but saw it in so many other women. I’d like to be able to get myself out of my own messes and really believe you don’t find Mr. Right (or Mrs. Right) until you’ve done some good work on yourself. No one out there can fix you, but if you’re lucky, you can find someone that mirrors you and brings out the best of yourself. Plus, I’m totally not into guys who ride horses and carry swords.

PV: Do you think it’s for better or worse to stay friends with an ex?

Laura Jansen: I think it totally depends on the circumstances of your breakup. I’m friends with a few exes and we catch up every once in a while on life. Others, I haven’t spoken to since the day we said goodbye. I hate any situation where things have gotten so bad you never speak again. I try to remember there was a time when that person was a huge part of my life. I definitely don’t cling to the memories or the pictures or things like that. When it’s over, it’s over. That doesn’t mean I can’t be nice every once in a while.

PV: Do you reinvent yourself after breakups?

Laura Jansen: I think what I’ve noticed in the past is that I would try to change something about the way I looked. The song “Single Girls” is really a list of all the things I did right after my breakup to feel good about myself. A lot of those things were physical changes like cutting my hair or working out twice as much, but most of the changes were internal. I went back to meditating, writing, reading and all the things that are good for me anyway. I can’t tell you how many reactions I’ve gotten from both men and women about “Single Girls” reflecting their own reinventions and attempts to transform. I think it might be one of those universal things we all do.

PV: What’s the best thing about being single?

Laura Jansen: I like being able to think for one when I’m single. It’s an opportunity for me to find out all the things I like doing without having to think for two. Figuring out what time you wake up without someone else’s alarm going off, eating breakfast for dinner because that’s what you feel like doing, making the space you live in as “you” as possible. I enjoy the idea of being able to go anywhere in the world at a whim or just to stay home and hang out with my girlfriends. I completely reconnected with my group of friends after the breakup and that was amazing for me. I had a lot of time to work on myself as well as to read and write.

PV: Do you believe in love at first sight?

Laura Jansen: I’m not sure its love but it’s something! I completely believe in that. I think you can really see a lot in a person’s eyes and that’s always the first step isn’t it? Again, I’m not sure if its love but its an attraction and its a form of communication that leads to that first conversation.

PV: Online dating: cool or too weird?

Laura Jansen: I’m a little afraid of that idea. I’ve never dated anyone that wasn’t somehow connected to my circle of friends in some way and that is a very safe feeling. I think to meet a total stranger via a website is a bit too foreign for me. I like knowing a thing or two about someone from friends I trust. That being said, it has worked for girlfriends of mine and they swear by it. I’d rather try to go talk to the cute guy in the vegetable isle and see if he’s cool.

GET MORE LOVE ADVICE FROM LAURA JANSEN IN OUR VALENTINE’S DAY SPECIAL, Come on, Get Sappy: Break-Up to Make-Up Advice From Music Makers.

*By Joelle, who is eating a heart-shaped red velvet whoppie cream pie that Jessica made.

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• Come on, Get Sappy: Break-Up to Make-Up Advice From Music Makers