The Ultimate Show Survival Guide

Back in the day, circa 2003-2006, I was a show-going machine! Over that three-year span, I went to well over 150 shows and mastered the art of maneuvering my way through crowds. I was growing up though, and before I knew it concerts weren’t as affordable as they used to be, and paying rent became slightly more important than seeing Taking Back Sunday for the 50^th time (This goal was eventually reached by the way). Recently I’ve been getting back into the swing of things though, and I’m still amazed to find that these darn kids can’t handle themselves in a crowd. My experience this past Wednesday at Irving Plaza was no different and inspired me to write these guidelines. If you want to get front and center like the pros, or if you’re hoping to just not get trampled on, this article is for you! Keep in mind that this is more for surviving crowds at concerts, not local shows–’cause no one wants to be the beast at some VFW hall.

• You’re at a show–not a club.  Dress accordingly.
  You’re about to enter into a huge crowd of sweaty and, most likely, dirty people. You want be wearing something that is comfortable, and in a worst-case scenario, something you don’t mind losing. I’ve had sweatshirts stolen, t-shirts stretched beyond repair, jeans ripped, shoes lost, and fake blood sprayed all over me.
  
• Look for holes.
  The closer you get to the front, the closer the people get to each other. You want to target groups of people who are standing shoulder to shoulder so you can just turn sideways and walk right through. When people’s bodies are overlapping though (shoulder to middle of back), things are a bit rougher. Also look for couples. They’re usually busy trying to make out or take pictures together, making them oblivious to what’s going on around them.
• Always use your manners.
  Remember those phrases your parents should have taught you when you were younger: “Excuse me,”  “please,” “thank you?”   Use them! Despite what your friends may tell you, you’re not an animal and these small words can take you a long way. In the end everyone is there to see the same show, and almost everyone would love to be on the barricade, so have the decency to show your fellow comrades a bit of respect.
• Hips, hips, hips.
  You’ve done everything right so far, and you’re one body away from the barricade but you don’t know what to do. Turn sideways and jam your hip between two people and against the barricade. When you get the opportunity slide your foot in, and eventually the rest should fall into place.
• Use the crowd surfer to your advantage.
  We all hate crowd surfers. They’re annoying, and it’s usually the same five people going up over and over again. But no one wants to get whacked in the head, so while everyone else is ducking to the side, use this opportunity to advance forward. This method is also used best when you’re one away from the front. (Side note: No one over a hundred pounds should ever crowd surf.)
• Don’t let someone else ruin your evening.
  Occasionally you’ll meet your match, and in the end you may not get to the front.  You may be separated from your friends, or you may have someone’s elbow in your neck but don’t let this ruin your good time! Accept that fact that you’re sandwiched into a small area with a couple hundred (or couple thousand) people and pleasantness isn’t always the name of the game. Just relax and enjoy the show!

I give this advice partially because I want to help new show goers out, but mostly because I want people to know what I’m working with so they’ll stay out of my way. I’ve pushed my way to the front of 35,000 people crowds, bruised my arms from wrist to pit, and almost broke my ribs–so no, I’m not going to take it easy on you. You think you’re too short?  Get some stripper heels. You think you’re too skinny to push through?  Eat more. You don’t want to be a jerk?  Get over it. Stop complaining about the person in front of you or your numerous disadvantages, and learn to fight for something you love.

*By Rosina, who knows a lot of people will probably disagree with her.

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