The Most Wonderful Time of the Year (Usually)

Well, it’s upon us again. Tis the season to eat too much sugar, stress over gift giving, try to tolerate your family, and hopefully get into a bit of the holiday spirit. Whatever you celebrate, or even if you don’t celebrate any of them, the holidays still bring an occasionally overwhelming mix of social, personal, familial and professional obligations, and they all require that you put a smile on your face and act downright jolly. And to top it off, the music is usually terrible.

Now, just to be clear, I adore the holidays. I love the food, the just start of winter-ness, the less tacky decorations. So I get particularly annoyed when I have to suffer another crappy holiday song or pop star rendition of a Christmas hit. Even without the intervention of the Top 40 All Stars, there is plenty of crap music out there, serenading you through the malls, drug stores, and Starbucks. Since the season has officially started (as evidenced by Wal-Mart), I thought it would be fun to discuss some of the worst and best that you can dread and look forward to for the next month.

The saddest Christmas horse ever will be watching over my office lobby until 2010…

Is it January Yet?

1) “All I Want for Christmas is You” by Mariah Carey

Though an adorable addition to the romcom/Christmas combo Love, Actually, I would not be disappointed to never hear this song again.

2) “All I Want for Christams is My Two Front Teeth” by anyone

Maybe it’s my general disdain for children, but I can think of a laundry list of presents I would take over two front teeth for some kid I don’t know.

3) “If On a Winter’s Night” by Sting

Ok, this is an entire album not a song, and has more to do with Sting’s advancing age than the holidays, but whatever the story behind these strange madrigal style tunes, it’s bad. Just ask your local Starbucks barista where the disc has been on repeat trying to move the CDs off their shelves. And I didn’t think anything could turn me off coffee.

4) “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” by anyone

Nothing like little Freudian experience to kick off your holidays.

5) “Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays” by *nsync

Yeah. This happened.

Do I really need to explain this one?

They should serve eggnog all year round!

1) “The Christmas Song” by Nat King Cole

The voice, the perfect holiday traditions, the epic question of reindeer really know how to fly. Even the children in the song can’t ruin this one for me.

2) “Blue Christmas” by Elvis

Realizing this isn’t exactly the Happy Holiday sentiment most seasonal tunes go for, I’m always happy to hear this one. Maybe something to take up with my therapist.

3) “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” by Bing Crosby

Such a classic, and the crescendo at the end still gives me chills. Regardless of your religious, holiday, or musical beliefs, this is just a great song from a great singer.

4) “Little Drummer Boy” by Whitney Houston (from the SNL Mary Catherine Gallager skit)

Pre-Bobby Brown meltdown…

Though this skit was no where to be found during my 3 minutes of thorough Google-ing, those of us who remember it, remember it well. As it was awesome.

5) “Twelve Days of Christmas” by the drunk guy at your office holiday party

I love listening to people try to figure out the lyrics to this one. Eddie Izzard pretty much hit the nail on the head.

Special Mention

“Last Christmas” by Wham!

I couldn’t decide where this song went, because it is awfully awesome.

Anything I missed?

*By Jesy, who is glad to see that Tebow’s Heisman pose cost Florida the shut out. Idiot.

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