When No actually means NO!

I suppose in the “big picture” of things, I’m still pretty new to the dating scene.  I’ve always really been focused on my career and having a good time–never really focusing on dating until a few years ago. I mean, I’m still not all into “I need to have a boyfriend of my life is over.” Really ladies? Get real! I’d rather chop my right arm off than ever admit I needed a man to be happy. I’m probably hostile in thought of men because I’ve never been on a successful date–ever! Don’t get me wrong, I’ve really only taken a very small amount of time out of my life in the past three years to attempt it, so I’m sure I seem like a “youngin’” in black hole of dating; however, it still somewhat blows that I can’t say I’ve ever been out with a decent guy. Sure, some of them have seemed decent at first, which really gets me excited–but then they end up being huge creepish douchebags, to say the least.

When I first started dating I had the standards set. You know, the whole liking guys who have certain physical attractions and have certain quirks and personal traits that I dig. Once I realized Mr. Perfect didn’t exist, I became more openminded, a.k.a. lowered my standards for finding a decent date. At first it seemed to be working out ok, because I was dating guys I normally wouldn’t have dated, and things started going in what seemed to be a really good direction. Until the creeper side of these dates began to show.

Example: About two years ago I was dating a guitarist in a band. He wasn’t super cute, but he  had a fun personality–or so I thought. We’d hug, hold hands, you know the cute “let’s act like we’re in high school back in the 1950’s” type of stuff.  Then the guy started acting really creepy, like making very inappropriate gestures while my parents were around and just making me uncomfortable in general. So after three weeks of very just hanging out–it doesn’t even deserve the label of dating–I told him I wasn’t feeling the way he was acting, so I’d like to be friends. He seemed completely fine with it, so I was happy. Until the next weekend came and he kept texting me pictures from his bands show of a bunch of  girls (who I later found out were his sister’s friends) hanging out with him and kept asking me how jealous I was. I figured he was just really drunk and blew it off.  We went out with a group of friends to see a movie later that week, and he kept putting his arm around me, touching my leg and trying to hold my hand–which I let him know made me very uncomfortable, since we were just friends and all. Then the calls to hang out every other day came and he told me he enjoyed me playing “hard to get” and “knew” I just called it off so things would get more interesting; he enjoyed chasing me. I was seriously blown out of the water: what kind of mind did this dude have? A fucked up imagination, because I wasn’t playing hard to get. I realized it was time to stop being nice and be completely upfront with this dude. Even after being blunt and extremely rude about how I wanted nothing to do with him at all, he still thought I was just being feisty and liked it. I finally just came to reality that I had to cut all ties with creepy mc-creeperstein.

The moral of this story is, I’m NOT interested, generally means I’M NOT INTERESTED. Not, “I’m pretending not to be interested so you’ll try harder and maybe one day be my boyfriend!” Decent men are hard as hell to come by, so if I actually was into one, why would I push him away? It seems that ever since I ran into my band jerk I’ve been meeting guys who really act this way and pursue the chase. I’ve even given up the being “nice” at first part, to just be pretty blunt and down right rude because I’ve never wanted this mistake to happen again and some guys still really don’t get it! I’m just baffled by how ridiculous dating is when guys like this are out there.

*By Candace, who’d one day love to experience a good date.

Similar Posts:

• The Disappearing Act Dude: The D Stands for Douche
• Why Chicks Dig Douchebags
• There’s A Reason He’s Still Single.
• Three things every cool kid does:
• How I Perfectly Met, Dated and Scared off an Adorable Italian Cinematographer